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The old man looked and acted the way I felt. He came into the doctor's office folded over like a road map. I figured he was 75 at the most. Being from Oklahoma, I figured him to be a Bush coat-tail sucker. He came over and sat down two seats over from me."You look like the way I feel," I said. "I'm in here to get my monthly supply of muscle relaxers and hydrocordone." He ignored the comment.
"Can you believe this weather? It is 74 outside. Two weeks ago, it was 8 above zero. You can't tell me that this weather hasn't changed over the years by global warming."
I was momentarily stunned, without a stun gun. Am I believing what I am hearing? I figured the old man to be like my "Mother-in-law, Mother-in law. The worst person in the world, is mother-in-law." She worships Bush.
"Darn right !" I said. "I believe that Gore is right. Our planet is changing because of global warming, and our present administration is not even concerned."
"You're damn right," the old flatulance said. "They are absolutely ignoring it."
Oklahoma is a red state, and old men in our state will kick you in the gonads if you say anything bad about Bush and crew.
The old man went on about the Oklahoma weather as if he was Woody Guthrie.
"My well water is sandy. We are getting sand for the first time. I figure it doesn't hurt me. I just drink he water down to the sand and pour the sand into the drain. My neighbor paid the big buck to dig a new well because his water hole caved in. Not a cheap operation," I ended.
"Yep, I think our Ogallala Aquifer is down. With the peanut farming and irrigation, the water table is low."
I'm stunned. The man knows what he is talking about. He moved to the seat next to me and began talking in a hushed tone.
"Did you know that Nostradamus predicted this? He predicted that WWIII would be us with Islam radicals." This man, who looks like an illiterate farmer, is up on today's events.
"Our government doesn't believe it. The Iraq war is the biggest mistake in the history of the United States. Our troops are paying for it with their lives while Bush is doing nothing, ... dozing in the White House or on vacation."
"You better believe it. Did you know that, ... . "
"Mr. Hill, " the nurse said. "Come with me." And I didn't get to finish my sentence. I know where our doctor stands on it. He is a Bush sucker, so I don't even mention politics. Having a Doctor's license automatically makes your thoughts more substantial than regular humans.
Fact, our trees could even start blooming with weather like this, and if so, it means no pears again next year. This year is the first year that our pear tree didn't break branches with a hundred pounds of fruit. Strange. Every year for the last 20, our juicy pears went to waste, but this year there wasn't even one.
"How was the trip to Korea?" the doctor asked.
"14 hours of hydrocordone hell and 14 hours back as well."
"Did you get up and walk around?"
"I tried everything short of opening the door and jumping out. The next time we go to Korea, I will definitely demand a wheel chair, will ask for a wheel chair in the terminal, and bring along plenty of hydrocordone again, but this time, I will bring those new heat packs they advertise. My thermophore was worthless on the plane. No electricity."
"Sounds good. I have trouble making it on a 3 hour trip."
"Look at this, " I said, as I opened my mouth and showed him my toothless, bottom front four. "The dentist asked if I minded the new dental partner to pull the two rotted, lower front teeth."
"Not all."
The doctor began working on the first tooth. After 20 minutes, I suggest, "Simply cut the gum and pop it out."
"Oh, I think I can wiggle it out." My whole jaw was dead, yet I could feel the pain. After an hour and a half, the regular dentist comes in, cuts my gum and pops both teeth out. Never okay a new dentist to work on your teeth!"
"That is absolutely true."
Many years ago, I went in to get the big V, from this very same doctor. Took him two hours to tie off the veins, and it took years to get over it. The county nurse told me, after I described what happened, "Your mistake. He has probably done 4, and you want somebody who has done 400, when you need cutting on your body."
So true. So true. Definitely no Christmas snow this year. We'll be consuming ice cold green tea and no eggnog. The truth shall prevail if the people are allowed to vote.
