When the host of the party introduces you as "our liberal' , embrace an opportunity:
-Smile. Say that you are socially liberal but fiscally conservative. Continue smiling. Don't stop. Ever.
- Drink only while wine. That's a liberal drink.
- Don't eat meat. Tell them you are close to veganism but not yet.
- Ask for a recycle bin. That makes you a good environmentalist.
- Do not initiate any conversations. Wait to be invited in. Then talk. Entertain.
- Love Churchill. Everyone loves him.
- Agree with everyone, no matter what they say, Just nod.
- Love Pope. That will take care of all religions.
- Hate killing. Don't go into details.
- Express moderate concern about education. Say something must be done. Don't specify.
- Support something nobody cares about: gay marriages,
abortions, women rights , black and minorities' equality.
- Do not support the poor: just the "unfortunate ones'.
- Do not talks about immigration and climate change.
- Love Marijuana. Don't inhale.
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- Love single mothers with three children and three jobs Better even ten children and ten jobs. Express admiration.
- Always love children with cancer. Express concern.
- Love animals, disabled and mentally challenged. Tell everyone how you love them. Shed tears.
- Always say that US is the freest country in the world. Love American people.
- Joke only about taxes.
- Love both Jews and Palestinians. Wish them peace from afar.
- Always mention Anne Frank somehow.
- Always mention JFK and MLK somehow.
- Support all the people demonstrating on the streets in other countries but only if those demonstrations are not against the US. Never support any current demonstrations inside the US. But always praise the Civil Rights movement of the past.
- About US wars: support the democracy spread, insist on clear goals and love the troops. Never ever define the US wars as good or bad. Just don't say anything. Always wish for world peace.
- Express a desire to join the Tea-Party.
- Always hate terrorists. Do not go into details.
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- Mourn only the US victims of all wars.
- Never ever mention the nuclear bombardment of Japan
- Never get angry: angry people immediately are branded as black radicals even if they are while as snow.
- Always deny any connection to socialists or communists. Former Nazis are OK.
- Hate Stalin. Don't really talk about Hitler.
- Always compliment others, like, "You certainly have a point," no matter what they say,
- DO NOT EVER MAKE NOTES IN PUBLIC! NO WRITING!
- Don not mention any books but the Bible.
- Never take sides.Tell people that you love fair and balanced news coverage, so you have two TVs: one for the FOX news and one for MSNBC.
- Last, but not least: DO NOT DEMONIZE! If you see a demon- offer him/her a drink and ask for money.
- Always be ready to talk sports.
That way you will live a long and comfortable life as a US party liberal and never get into trouble. Just DON'T DO ANYTHING. Smile.
